Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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