I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
two words: eviction party
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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