I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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