i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
