I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
