When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
