I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
