I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
