never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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