So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
