she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
