Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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