So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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