Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
