so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
