bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
