Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize