I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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