It's a beautiful day for a hangover
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize