Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
