Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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