I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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