using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
