I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
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It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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