ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
