It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
