so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
