were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Randomize
