An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
