I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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