Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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