Already got asked if we're dating
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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