Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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