the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
