You really coming over, don't trick.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
