Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Michael Bay diarrhea
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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