My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
