Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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