The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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