Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
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Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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