I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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