Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
