I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
