I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
