There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
