my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
