Having a random hookup so left but love u
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
