The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
