She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
