in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
