I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
