i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
