dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Randomize
