He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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