you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
