I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
